Why Seeking Out Stress Advice Can Look Like a Cat Batting a Toy - and What to Try Instead

HPP-EQ High Performance Partnerships - Emotional Intelligence Series

Avoiding the Anecdotal

Recently, a valued colleague, friend and fellow executive mentioned to me that she has noticed an increasing number of posts and articles on LinkedIn; focused on stress.

“There are plenty of likes, reposts, comments, and shared tips. There is a lot of interest.”

“Stress levels are continuing to go up. And we're heading into the holidays.”

"Advice on dealing with stress is free flowing and everywhere.”

Then she said, “Knowing you, I'd like to hear your thoughts. I want to hear from you.”

Like a Cat with A Toy

It’s interesting to note that social media gets listed as one of the leading causes of stress.

Yet, many of us turn to social media for help, advice and support when we’re stressed.

Sometimes that type of support reminds me of a cat batting around a toy.

Engaging. Entertaining. Soothing.

Time passes and we feel like we’re “doing something.”

In this case, we’re getting stress data… batting the toy… batting the toy.

Let’s be clear. I’m No Different Than Anyone Else

I feel stress. All the time.

Just the other day, I was doing simple tasks, gathering up some materials I needed and grabbing socks from my sock drawer. After closing the drawer, I realized I felt funny.

My heart rate was up. I checked my watch and saw my blood pressure was way up.

From grabbing socks? No. My body was reacting to an upcoming meeting.

But in those 'why do I feel this way' moments, turning to social media for advice can feel very accessible and perhaps calming.

Stress is Not a Useful Tool

But, social media posts on stress often focus on reframing stress as a source of energy.

You might hear: “Stress is good.” or “It sharpens the saw.”

From my training, stress is not good. By definition, it's non-productive behavior.

We don’t accept stress. We don’t use stress as a motivational tool. We quickly get out of stress. Out of stress and into productive behavior.

So, You Think You’re Unique? You Are!

We are all different individuals with different personalities. We all react differently to stress.

Some of this is based on our own expectations. Some of this depends on how our needs are being fulfilled.

Some of us like structure and linear processes. Others of us are more productive with more freedom and flexibility.

When our unique needs are not being met, we get stressed. You cannot stay in stress. It’s harmful and hurtful.

Moving Away from the Anecdotal

Putting down the ‘cat toy’ of general social media advice on stress is a great start.

Get specifics.

Start gathering cogent information and get coaching specific to your unique personal profile.

(I use Birkman as an important assessment tool in my coaching engagements).

Then learn and continually practice managing your unique stressors by fulfilling your needs and leaning on productive behaviors that specifically work for you.

Some online self-assessment instruments can provide you with objective data about yourself; but, be aware that you may not get the discovery, challenge, and support that is extremely helpful with a coaching engagement.

Contact me. I’d love to work with you and your team.